So It works!
Problem is I'm not sure what I did to make it work
I did try a profile with Home Network only, no joy. Then tried a 3rd new profile "All sites on the Internet & Home Network" and still no joy. Same results, connect fine to router but not able to connect to DVR via iDMSS...
So I tried two things:
1- Set subnet mask on the DVR to 255.255.0.0 to encompass the 192.168.254.2 IP that the router was assigning via VPN, rebooted DVR, but that seemed to have no affect so I changed it back - without rebooting... DVR shows the change but I have to wonder if it really took without the reboot?
2- I opened the VPN again and tried to browse the Interwebs with my phones Safari browser..and WAlla! I was surfing the Interwebs via VPN. So I then opened iDMSS again and poof, connected right to the DVR as desired
So either jump starting the DVR did it (Or with no DVR reboot my subnet mask change worked and the DVR just isnt showing it?) OR by first making a connection out via the browser before trying iDMSS somehow woke up something?
I know both sound far fetched, but nothing else changed....
Thanks to all who helped. Wish I had better documentation for the next guy..